Music in the Divided Soul
by oXXb00kw0rmXXo
Summary: Music is an engrained part of the soul-- even Voldemort's! Enjoy as the Trio, the Order, the DA, even the Death Eaters, sing their way through the plot of the Harry Potter series! Companion to Music in the Nonexistent Soul.
1. No One Mourns Voldy

**Music in the Divided Soul**

Companion to Music in the Nonexistent Soul

AN: If you guys have seen my Twilight version of this, Music in the Nonexistent Soul, I'm sorry that I haven't updated! I'm sort of stuck on the next song, but I've been trying really hard! For those of you who haven't seen it, here's what it is: A bunch of songs fitted into possible scenarios that take place during the books. Lyrics are changed and it's certainly not a songfic, just a spoof of the songs (most of which I love anyhow). I slip the songs in during a scene which sets the scene and such. Unlike today, I'm usually delirious with sleep deprivation and sugar when I post. For some reason, that's not so today... Also, the style is very different than what I usually write. It's third person, and very short, concise stuff, no flowy language. it really is just setting the scene.

I don't know if I'll continue past this chapter, but it's just a little fic I like to work on when I have writers' block and am bored. it gets the imagination stirring, at least, and I get to work on my rhyming! Chances are, if I do, there will be Disney and Broadway, along with a few normal songs slipped in.

Enjoy! I love feedback!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or No One Mourns the Wicked

* * *

The crowd screamed in joy and happiness, hugging their loved ones and mourning the ones they lost. Over a day had passed since the final battle, and their hero, Harry Potter, was nowhere to be seen. There was a rumor spreading that he had gone to the Gryffindor tower to sleep and eat a sandwich, something that Rita Skeeter was pursuing diligently.

"Tell me, Mr. Longbottom," she said with her quill in hand. "What kind of sandwich does Harry Potter like to eat the most? You are a good friend of his, right?"

"I, er, dunno," he said nervously. "Look, um, we kind of gotta clean up Voldemort's body. It's creepy, just, like, sitting there in the middle of everything. And it's starting to smell. So… yeah."

"Will there be any sort of memorial service for the evil wizard?" Skeeter asked, interested.

"Of course not!" Neville said, shocked.

"And why ever not?"

"Because-- no on mourns the wicked!"

* * *

**Order Members and DA members:**  
Good news! He's dead!  
The dark wizard is dead!  
The evilest man there ever was  
The happiest news is here because  
He's Dead!  
Good news!  
Good news!

**Neville:  
**_(spoken and relieved to get Skeeter off his back)_ Look! It's the Trio!

_(The Golden Trio arrive riding on Harry's Firebolt)_

**Ron:  
**_(spoken)_ Fellow wizards!  
(_sung)_ Let us be glad  
Let us be grateful  
Let us drink whiskey and say adieu to  
The wicked workings of You-Know-Who  
Isn't it nice to know  
That good will conquer evil?  
The truth you should believe in  
Outlived a lie  
For you and -

**Luna:**  
No one mourns the Wicked!

**Ginny:**  
No one cries "They won't return!"

**Order Members and DA members:**

No one lays a lily on their grave

**Mr. Weasley:  
**The good man scorns the Wicked!

**Mrs. Weasley:**  
Through their lives, our children learn

**ORDER MEMBERS AND DA MEMBERS:**  
What we miss, when we misbehave:

**Hermione:**  
And Goodness knows  
Voldy's lives were lonely  
Goodness knows  
That Voldy died alone  
It just shows when you're Wicked  
You're left only  
On your own

**ORDER MEMBERS AND DA MEMBERS:**  
Yes, Goodness knows  
That Voldy's lives were lonely  
Goodness knows  
That Good's never alone!  
Nothing grows for the Wicked  
They reap only  
What they've sown

**Harry:**

(_spoken)_ Are people born Wicked? Or do they have  
Wickedness thrust upon them? After all, he had  
a father. He had a mother, as so many do:

**Riddle:**  
How I hate to go and leave you lonely

**Other girl:**  
That's alright - it's only just one night

**Riddle:**

But know that you're here in my heart  
While I'm out of your sight

**Harry:**  
_(spoken)  
_And like every family - they had their secrets

**Merope:**  
Have another drink, my dark-eyed beauty  
You've got one more night left, here in town  
So have another Amortenia  
And we'll have ourselves a little mixer  
Have another swallow, my dark haired beauty  
And follow me down:

**Harry:**  
(_spoken)_ And of course, from the moment he was born,  
he was - well - different

**Mrs. Cole:**

It's coming!

**Merope:**

Now?

**Mrs. Cole:**  
The baby's coming!

**Merope:**  
Oh, ow!

I see his nose  
I see his curl  
His name is Tom

Marvolo Riddle, please, and –oh!_ (dies)_

**Mrs. Cole**:  
_(spoken)_ Oh, god!

**Helper:**  
_(spoken)_ What is it? : what's wrong?

**Mrs. Cole:**

Poor baby!

**Helper:  
**What did she mean?

**Mrs. Cole:  
**It's atrocious

**Helper:**

It's obscene!

**Helper and Mrs. Cope:**  
A child born in wedlock

The baby is instantly

**ORDER MEMBERS AND DA MEMBERS:**  
Alone!

**Riddle:  
**_(spoken)_ Take it away: take it away!

**Harry:**  
_(spoken)_ So you see - it couldn't have been easy!

**ORDER MEMBERS AND DA MEMBERS:  
**No one mourns the Wicked!  
Now at last, he's dead and gone!  
Now at last, there's joy throughout the land!  
And Goodness knows  
We know what Goodness is  
Goodness knows  
The Wicked die alone

**Trio:  
**He died alone:

**ORDER MEMBERS AND DA MEMBERS: :**

Woe to those  
Who spurn what Goodness  
They are shown  
No one mourns the Wicked

**Trio:**  
Good news!

**CROWD**  
No one mourns the Wicked!

**Trio:**

Good news!

**ORDER MEMBERS AND DA MEMBERS:  
**No one mourns the Wicked!  
Wicked!  
Wicked!

* * *

"That's an intriguing story," Rita mused quietly, still nearby Neville, who inched away. Harry, noticing her, also tried to make for the exit, but was mobbed by admirers before he got too far. "My next book – You-Know-Who: Evil Dark Lord or Abused Orphan?"

"Harry never said anything about abuse," Neville reminded her. She shrugged.

"So? It'll make for an interesting story… Unless, of course, you and Harry would like to contribute to a book about the Prophecy involving the both of you..."

"No, thanks, gotta go! Hey, Harry, get your broom and let's go!"

Harry, at Neville's words, jumped into action. He summoned his broom, grabbed Ginny, and rode off towards the sky, leaving poor Neville, Hermione, and Ron to be attacked by the crowd. What a shame it was all Neville's idea in the first place!

* * *

AN: I hope you liked it! Reviews are appreciated!


	2. La Vie Boheme in Heaven

**Hey, everyone! I decided, finally, to update this fic! It took me a while to find another song to fit into this fic, actually. Inspiration struck me the other day while listening to the RENT soundtrack, which I am obsessed with. Just so you know, the line "To hating dear old Mom and Dad" is what kicked my but into gear. Thank Jonathan Larson and Mark Cohen/Anthony Rapp. :)**

**Thank you, Jonathan Larson! And JKR! I do not own RENT, La Vie Boheme, any of the several references to the musical, or Harry Potter, or any of the characters.**

**This is La Vie Boheme - Heaven Style. **I do not have certain parts. This isn't really the movie version (actually, with the parts I took out, it might be...) but it's not the Broadway, because I had a lot of trouble getting certain parts to fit. There are also parts that don't really go --blushes-- See, there is extra dialogue in certain parts and such. And, unfortunately, I had to cut out my favorite bit of dialogue because it doesn't quite fit. "Where is he now?" "He's right... hm... Where'd he go?" Cracks me up every time... **Anyhow, that's just in case you get confused. Ah, I don't own One Song Glory, that reminds me... Some singing from the beginning of the OBC recording is translated, sort of, into dialogue in the story section, just like in the movie. But it should be okay with the music. I tried it, it actually worked better than I thought.**

**Enjoy!! I had so much fun writing this and it's actually longer (the story section and the actual song, of course) than usually. Even if the song itself did take over an hour. Ugh... And yes, I am aware that Tonks and Lily are a bit preoccupied with candy. I was hungry!**

* * *

"I can't believe it!" Lily gushed as they slid into The Three Broomsticks (located in Hogsmeade, Heaven). A large crowd was already congregated. As Lily, James, Sirius, Remus, and Tonks entered, the host groaned and tried to hide. "I mean, the fact that - "

"Your former best friend came and wrecked Remus's protest against discrimination towards Muggleborns and werewolves?" James suggested and shrugged. "Actually, no. I can believe that. It _was_ Snape, darling."

"_I _can't believe that people are still prejudiced against werewolves, even in Heaven," Remus remarked, frowning. "I don't even transform now that I'm dead!"

Sirius shrugged. "People are gits, kind of like my brother. Oh, and Peter."

"True," Remus nodded and turned to the host, who happened to _be_ Peter. "Any seats left?"

"N-no," Peter snapped. "I won't have you all coming and ruining the resturaunt again!"

"Oh, come on," James whined. "We're not that bad!"

"I didn't wreck anything last time I came," Tonks reminded him.

"You also didn't pay."

"We're dead!" she cried. "I don't get paid for killing Dark wizards when they're all dead!"

Peter sighed and gestured for them to join the crowd. "But don't put any tables together!" he cried as they trailed off.

"Hey, Moody, wanna help us put some tables together?" James cried, ignoring Peter blatantly.

Peter shook his head and groaned. "I am _so_ fired…"

Fifteen minutes later, the tables were all aligned and the crowd was seated, chattering loudly. The doors opened and in walked Severus Snape, looking quite surly.

"Severus Snape," Sirius said loudly, drawing attention. "Here?"

"Oh no…" Peter mumbled.

"Firewhiskey!" the crowd cried.

"The enemy of… well, all of us," Tonks said, smiling. "Oh, we'll definitely stay."

"Oh vey!" Peter moaned and ran into the back room, afraid of what was coming.

"What brings a slimy git of his own mind to the Three Broomsticks?" James said quite confidently.

"It's a public venue, Potter," Snape sneered. "And I'd also like to propose a toast to Lily and Lupin's, ah, noble try. It went well!"

"Go to hell!" Remus muttered.

"Oh, I intend to, my father is down there. I'm going to visit tomorrow," Snape laughed mockingly.

"Why'd you almost miss the show?" Lily asked curiously.

"There was a birth in the family, if you _must _know," Snape droned on. "In your family, not mine."

"Who was born?" Lily asked in shock, almost knocking over her chair.

"Dudley's kid," he shrugged. "A brat, but the mother almost joined us. She's fine, but seeing as Dumbledore hired me to watch the population, I was filling out forms."

"Ah…"

"Lily, I'm surprised!" he continued. James rolled his eyes. "A bright and charming girl like you hangs out with these…" he looked at the Marauders and Tonks. "Well, I don't really know what to call them. You all made fun, yet I'm the one that got to live the longest. That had a decent _job_. That –"

"Had no fun in life! Or in death!" Tonks interjected. "Come on, Snape. This kind of lifestyle – er, deathstyle – is _fun_. La Vie Boheme, you know?"

"Ripping off Muggle musicals, are you?" Snape sneered and took a seat at a nearby table facing their several ones. "Well, it doesn't surprise me. Lily was _moo-ing_ at the protest."

"That _was_ kinda stupid," Remus muttered to James, who grimaced and agreed.

"Listen – you're _dead!_" Snape cried. "It's pointless to keep going on as if you're not."

The Marauders frowned and jumped up onto the table as the first few notes of the song began. They began to dance and sing energetically, and everyone joined in.

* * *

**Remus:**  
Dearly beloved, we've already said our goodbyes!  
Here we lie!  
We all know our worth  
The late great members of the Order!  
On this night when we celebrate the birth  
In that little town of Hogsmeade  
We raise our glass -- you bet your ass to --  
La vie Boheme

**ALL:**  
La vie Boheme  
La vie Boheme  
La vie Boheme  
La vie Boheme

**James:**  
To days of simply pranking,  
Playing hookie, making something out of nothing  
The need to express --  
To ask Lily out!  
To going against the grain,  
Going insane  
Going mad

**Sirius:**  
To loving tension, no pension  
To more than one dimension,  
To loving all attention,  
Hating convention, loving pretension  
Not to mention of course,  
Hating dear old mom and dad

**All Marauders:**  
To riding your broom,  
Midday past the three piece suits  
To fruits -- to no absolutes --  
To Ogden's -- to choice --  
To the Village Voice --  
To any passing fad  
To being an us for once  
Instead of a them!

**ALL**:  
La vie Boheme  
La vie Boheme

(Dumbledore and Arianna meet and Arianna promptly beats up Dumbledore for becoming friends with Grindelwald. Dumbledore, ecstatic that he's with his sister again, ignores the beating and gives her a very big hug, almost strangling, and killing for a second time, the poor girl)

**Snape:**  
Ahhemm

**Dumbledore: (still hugging her)**  
Hey Mister – she's my sister!

**RESTAURANT MAN**:  
So that's five miso soup, four seaweed salad  
Three soy burger dinner, two tofu dog platter  
And one pasta with meatless balls

**Cedric:**  
Ugh

**Dumbledore:**  
It tastes the same

**Tonks:**  
If you close your eyes

**RESTAURANT MAN**:  
And thirteen orders of fries  
Is that it here?

**ALL:**  
Firewhiskey!

(Lily and Tonks jump onto the table)

**Lily and Tonks: **  
To butterbeers made in local breweries  
To chocolates, to ice cream, to anything will do!  
To Pasties, to Drooble's, to Burtie Botts Beans  
To Chocolate Frogs and licorice wands, too!

**James and Remus:**  
Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion  
Creation, vacation

**Sirius:**  
Mucho masturbation

**Lily:**  
Compassion, to fashion, to passion when it's new

**Remus:**  
To Wolfsbane!

**James:**

To Quidditch!

**Sirius:**  
To teachers that are new!

**Tonks:**  
Quirrel, Lockhart, Remus, Moody, too!

**James:**  
Um-bitch

**Remus:**  
Um_bridge!_

**Sirius:**  
That's what he said!

**Collins:**  
To Harry!

**Regulus:**  
To Voldy!

**Grindelwald:**  
The other Dark Lord, too!!!!

**Remus and Tonks:**  
Why Neville and Luna went into hiding  
To blow off Voldemort!

**ALL**:  
La vie Boheme

(Dumbledore and Arianna get into another fight and Dumbledore knocks her out)

**Snape:**  
Sister?

**Dumbledore: (looks at unconscious girl)**  
Um… yes?

**Regulus and Sirius: (hug)**  
Brothers!

**James, Sirius, Remus:**  
Werewolves, Azkaban, Animagus,  
Gryffindor kids, Slytherin jerks, girls, Hogwarts was great!  
Ogden's wine, is so fine, what a sign!  
Pranking galore on Slytherins, it was so fun!  
Detentions were daily!

**Remus:**  
To boredom, to homework, to empathy, ecstasy

**Sirius:**  
To matchmaking – Remus and Tonks, finally!

**James:**  
To no shame -- always playing the Fame Game

**Sirius:**  
To the Marauders!

**ALL**:  
To our army  
It's between God and me

**Lily and Tonks:**  
To M&Ms!

**ALL**  
La vie Boheme

**James:**  
In honor of the death of us, an impromptu salon will commence immediately following dinner...  
Lily Evans- Potter, with a temper like none other, will perform a spectacular lightshow while she hopefully doesn't hex me into the next millennium!

**Remus:**  
Sirius Black will preview his new documentary about his inability to hold an erection on high holy days.

(Sirius tries to punch Remus, and they end up in a total fistfight)

**Lily:**  
Nymphadora Tonks – wait, sorry, just Tonks! Will sing the Weird Sisters music backwards through her vocoder, while accompanying herself on the electric cello -- which she has never studied.

**Sirius: (emerges victorious from the fist fight)**  
Remus will attempt to write a bittersweet, evocative song.

**Remus:**

Time flies… time DIEES! Glo -

**Sirius:**  
That doesn't remind us of RENT, which we're already ripping off. Besides, we _are_ dead.

**Lily:**  
Dobby the house elf will now model the latest fall socks that are mismatched!  
While accompanying himself on the 10 ton table lamp!

**Fabian Prewett (AKA, Molly Weasley's brother):**  
And Fred Weasley will recount his exploits as a businessman --  
Including the successful launch of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes.  
To sell itself, as it broadcast the words:

**ALL**:  
"You should be worrying about U-No-POO!"

* * *

Remus jumped down from the table to confront Tonks about why he can't be with her in a romantic song called "I Should Tell You". Tonks promptly slapped him in the face as his friends watched, amused.

"You git, we've been through this a million times!" she shouted. "I love you, even if you are a bloody werewolf! We've already been married. We have a kid for Merlin's sake!"

Remus's face lit up. "Oh, yeah!!! Okay, nevermind. On with the celebration!"

And he jumped back on the table.

* * *

**Remus:**

To werewolves!  
No way to make a living, masochism, pain, perfection  
Muscle spasms, chiropractors, short careers, stupid disorders!

**All:**  
Film!

**Lily:**  
Adventure, tedium, no family, boring locations,  
Dark rooms, perfect faces, messing up my son's life with ease!!

**ALL**:  
Music!

(music stops, everyone stops singing)

**Tonks:**  
Oh, come on! I can't sing! Would you like me to _try_?

**Remus:**

No, Dora, please. We've all heard you sing in the shower. We believe you.

**TonksL (glares)**

Maybe you _should_ be singing a romantic love song asking for my forgiveness and understanding!

**Remus: (quickly)**

Nevermind I said that.

(singing and music resume)

**ALL**  
Anarchy!

**Sirius and James:**  
Revolution, justice, screaming for solutions,  
Forcing changes, risk, and danger  
Making noise and making pleas!

**ALL**:  
To purebloods, betrayed, Mudbloods, werewolves, too

**Lily and Tonks:**  
To me!

**Tonks: (spoken)**

Sort of…

**Remus:**  
To me

**Sirius and James:**  
To me

**ALL**:  
To you, and you and you, you and you!  
To people living with, living with, living with  
Not dying from disease

**Sirius: (spoken… er… YELLED actually)**

Because we were all murdered!!!!!!

**All:**  
Let he among us without sin  
Be the first to condemn  
La vie Boheme  
La vie Boheme  
La vie Boheme

**Sirius:**  
Anyone out of the mainstream  
Is anyone in the mainstream?  
Anyone dead with a sex drive

**OTHERS:**  
La vie boheme  
La vie boheme  
La vie boheme

**Sirius:**  
Tear down the wall  
Aren't we all?  
The opposite of war isn't peace...  
It's creation!

**ALL**:  
La vie Boheme  
Viva la vie Boheme!

* * *

Sirius continued to dance alone on the table while all the couples make out. Of course, when he realized this, he instantly regretted trying so hard to get Remus and Tonks together and knocks them off the table. He then moved on to knock Lily and James off the table as well.

As they moaned in pain, he spazzed out in classic Mark fashion, even though he is nothing like Mark Cohen (despite the fact that he convinced Lily to knit him a blue and white striped scarf). Ah, yes, all was well with Sirius. Until he threw out his back and they had to call Ted Tonks, who was kind of pissed that he hurt his daughter.

So, the rest of them enjoyed their night as Sirius visited hell.

* * *

**Hope you liked it and all the cameos! I actually had trouble remembering who died, so if I missed anyone really big, let me know. Next up... The Cell Block Tango from Chicago- Azakaban Version. As you can see, I like Broadway and musicals. More RENT and/or Wicked will probably come eventually. Oh and of course, Moulin Rouge will have to make an appearance some time, though that may be in my Twilight version (which I ought to work on...) I have an idea for El Tango De Roxanne OR Tango:Maureen for that one.**


End file.
